Has Mr. Right surprised you by turning bad overnight?  Or have you, at least once in your life uttered the words, "I should have seen it coming." or "If only I knew!"  How do you find the right guy?  Here are tips shared from a relationship expert:

Don't pretend.  Don't stay in a pretend romances. That is pure and simple.  You know in your heart if you want your relationship be long-term.  Maybe you are sticking around because you've been sleeping together and that lulls you into thinking you're committed.

Select and choose.  Don't let your lack of self-esteem allow you to settle for just any guy.  You select and choose.

Relationship compatibility.  Do you share similar interests and ambitions with him?  Are your backgrounds compatible?  If he's into country music and you live and die for opera, that's easy to workout.  On the other hand, if your intrinsic value are miles apart, face reality, you're not compatible.

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Don't be insecure.  Don't reveal your insecurities and doubts.  Sad to say, there are guys who deliberately seek out "wounded birds", women who make it obvious that they don't think much of themselves.  These men can then manipulate the relationships to their own advantage and be in complete control.  Only should you reveal your insecurities and doubts only to very few true friends.  These are people who have proven over time that they are worth  of your trust.

Is he interested?  By three dates you can make an assessments.  Is he curious about you?  Does he stay tuned to your conversation and respond with interest?

Past relationships. Pay attention to his past, if you want to be his future.  According to the coauthor of He's Scared, She's Scared (Delacorte Press).  Listen carefully to what a man say about his past relationship history.  The one to watch out are the guys who totally blame the woman for the failure of the relationship.  Equally problematic are men who totally blame themselves.  It is advisable to dump the guy. 

Accept him as he is.  Look at who he is, not who you want to see.  Taking on a man's transformation nearly always backfires.  You need to examine your motives if you are trying to fix the man in your life.  Why didn't you seek someone who already has the qualities you admire instead of fixing somebody says a guidance counselor.

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What is my type of guy trap.  Don't get caught in the  "type" trap.  Here are two common problems:

• You're picking up a pattern from the past.
• You are picking out partner who looks good, but doesn't make you happy.

According to a renowned author there was one woman whose type was a handsome, successful men.  But her type wasn't making her happy.  She always chose men who seemed to announce to the world that she was desirable, something she seriously doubted.

Is he worth it?  Ask yourself, "Is he worth it?" than trying to convince him you are worthy.  Sometimes you put so much energy into being accommodating that you forgot to notice whether the guy was worth all the effort.

Inner voice.  Listen to your inner voice.  Tune out your mother's and father's too.  Is your father saying, "You have to marry someone who makes a good living."?  Is your mother saying, "All men fool around."?  When a voice in your head says, "He's perfect!" then it's up for you to decide.  Some guys want things settled immediately.  If he insist on moving the relationship along too fast, watch out.  Ask him the reason why.  The information you gather may increase intimacy or you may learn that he doesn't want to work out the issues.

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To Singles:

"Love is like a butterfly.  The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.  But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it.  Love can make you happy but often it hurts.  But loves only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it.  So take your time and choose the best."

Resource:

     Stone, Judith, "No more Jerk!", Woman's Home Companion Vol. XXIV No. 14