How can an otherwise harmonious relationship get past the irritating disagreements without feeling like both parties are in the war room?  Ready to battle?  Here are what we call "fair fighting rules" and without permanent damage done to the relationship.  Here are rules for fair fighting in relationship:

Take time out.  Do not approach the other person until you have collected your thoughts if you are upset about major issue.

• Stick to the topic.  When you don't stick to the point, the person trying to listen is first confused, then impatient, and finally resentful.  Keep discussions as focused as possible.  Of you are both frazzled it might be better to continue the discussion later.
• Write it down.  In the heat of the moment, if you tend to forget what you wanted to say consider putting a pen to paper and creating a list of what you want to talk about.  Then have your partner read it and discuss each point together.
• Don't interrupt.  It is rude to interrupt.  It often creates the opposite of what you want to achieve.  When you interrupt, you generally think you will end or reduce the length of the conversation, but the opposite is true.
• Listen first.  Getting defensive is a natural reaction when one feels accused.  It is best to let the fight initiator express what is bothering him or her.  When your partner is done, you can explain your side.
• Outburst of anger.  Avoid outburst of anger.  Major crying fits, temper tantrums, or violent withdrawals present major obstacles for resolving issues.  Do not get emotionally carried away or your risk leaving your business unfinished.
• Ask question.  Ask questions that will clarify, not judge.  A question should never begin with the word "why"  that put people on the defensive.
• Avoid confrontation.  Avoid confrontation in bed.  You don't want to associate your sex life with anger, hurt, and frustration.
• Forget about the yesterdays.  Often, when you talk about the yesterdays you tend to throw up the past, or blame.  Blaming is a judgment and automatically causes the other person become defensive.
• Don't overburden. Recognize that one person can't meet all your emotional needs.  Don't expect your lover to compensate for all your past disappointments.
• Share the fault.  It's rare that one person is all guilt and the other is all innocence.
• Humor.  Keep your sense of humor.  According to the author of The Rules of Fighting, most successful couples share, flexibility, honesty, tolerance and a willingness to compromise in addition to huge reservoirs of mutual respect.  A sense of humor is always is a bonus.  Take disagreements seriously, but not so seriously that you cannot see the humor in the situation.
• Show you care.    After you have patched things up, don't assume he will want to have sex just because you do.  According to psychologists if sex for you represents emotional release make sure it does the same  for your partner.  If  not find an alternate way to show post-fight affection.

Source:

           Avolio, Patricia, "The Rules of Fighting."  Woman's home companion, 13 July 05

           Figueroa, Liza, "7 Rules Your Relationsip Can't Live Without."  Women's Journal 01 Sept 07