What is anger?

Anger is like a nuclear power, It can be used to destroy or to enhance your quality of life.  It is a natural emotion and an appropriate, understandable response to many situations.  Like any emotion you feel, it is neither bad nor good, right or wrong.  You are not a bad person for feeling angry; it simply means you are human.

Anger disorder arises in every relationship at one time or another; whether it is frequent or infrequent.  Your own anger is one of the best places to begin working by yourself to create a change in your relationship, because it is something over which you, potentially have control.

What is your anger style?

According to an author of How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together, there are two general anger types:

1.  Anger eclipser.  They are people who hide their anger.  They have trouble either feeling anger or expressing it, or both.  These people are more likely to feel hurt, depressed or sad than to feel angry.  They may fear anger because of the damage it did when they were children, or they may have been taught that anger is socially unacceptable and "unladylike."

2.  Anger expresser.  Are people who express their anger in outburst or violent rages.  They may insult or degrade others or even harm them physically.

All emotions, including anger, occur in the body.  A thought or opinion may trigger the anger, but the anger itself is a physical response.

For anger eclipser: Charge up your energy

If you find yourself feeling frustrated or angry, let yourself feel it.  It may frighten you to feel that way, but remember, no one ever died from feeling angry.  Try to stay with the feeling for a little while.  Anger is normal and natural.  If you don't end up feeling angry, just feel what you do feel.  Maybe it is frustration, maybe it is fear.  Whatever you feel is okay says a psychologist.

Try one of these experiments and see what happens says a renowned author:

• Do this when on one else is in the house.  Kneel at the side of your bed.  With two fists and your arms extended, begin hitting the bed.  If no none else is around and you allow yourself to do it, expel a sound as you exhale.  You can even say, :I'm so mad" or whatever expression of anger feels good to you.  Get into it!  Whether you feel your anger or not.  This will get some energy moving through your body.

• Get a few pillows.  One at a time, hold them high above your head and throw them high above your head and throw them on the floor, hard.  Bend your knees slightly as you do this.  A you throw each pillow, exhale and let sound come out- it can just be "ah," or "I'm so mad."  Whatever comes to you or you may even want to pretend that the pillow is your spouse.

 For anger expressers:  Discharge your energy

If discharging your anger energy makes you feel better and calms you down, great.  Releasing built-up tension is good for your body and your psyche.  Use the following suggestions for discharging your anger energy if only if they  genuinely calm you down and make you feel better.  If they make your anger more intense, don't use them added a book author.

• Run or dance a fast dance.  Or stamp your feet and jump and shake your legs and arms.  Let yourself get out of breath.
• Talk to a friend about your anger.  The point of this is for you to release your anger so you can calm down.
• Fantasize your best revenge.  In fantasy, anything and everything is possible, precisely because it is not reality. So get carried away.  Device the perfect punishment.  If possible, exaggerate this so much that you can laugh at it.  Share it with a friend and laugh together.

For now, since you are taking the initiative to improve your relationship, if you catch yourself venting your anger directly at your partner, excuse yourself and use one of the above suggestions.

Anger quotes

Resource:

                Page, SUSAN. "Feeing Furious?" Learn ERAP (Part 1) Woman Today Magazine 16 Sept. 98