Do you remember when you first met your partner? Love was effortless and you thought your partner was the epitome of perfection. You felt the emotional barrage of butterflies in your stomach and fireworks sparked almost visibly as you held hands. You got married and the honeymoon was bliss. Now it's been a few years and you wonder what happened.

Every long term relationship goes through five basic, sequential stages as it evolves. With each new stage a new set of challenges and growth opportunities are introduced. As couples move through these stages, it is not uncommon to want to capture the pleasant emotions associated with a previous stage and couples often fluctuate between stages. Eventually, both partners will move to the next stage and begin the adjustment process again.

The Fantasy Stage

Often referred to as the Romantic Stage, this initial stage in a relationship is characterized by the filtering out of bad habits and annoying idiosyncrasies in favor of a more perfect view of your partner. You are both behaving nicely for each other and are focusing mostly on the things you have in common. You are putting your best foot forward and conflict is all but non-existent at this point. Psychologically, you are building a foundation for relationship growth. Biologically, your body is producing enormous amounts of "feel good" hormones and you may be the happiest that you have ever been in your life. Then reality strikes..........

The Disillusionment Stage

Also referred to as the Familiarization Stage or the Adjusting to Reality Phase, this stage is when you find out that your mate is not the angelic being you thought they were all along. They are mere humans with annoying flaws and serious shortcomings. In this stage you are learning more about your partner and conflict becomes a reality. Your body's endorphin production declines and you begin to experience a sense of loss as your fantasy dissolves. In this stage, the goal is to learn to effectively communicate with each other and to acquire some conflict resolution skills. They will be very important as you move into............

The Distress Stage

Also known as the Disappointment Stage or Power Struggle Stage, this stage is characterized by partners actually pulling away from one another. You become painfully aware of you and your partner's differences and you begin to draw lines and establish boundaries in your relationship. Often in this stage, unacceptable behavior is clearly defined and couples may even separate for a time. This is a dangerous time for couple and issues that arise during this stage have the potential to become long-held resentments if couples do not learn to give each other the appropriate amount of mutual respect. It is in this stage that many couples break-up or divorce. If they can weather the stage three storms, couples will move on to.........

The Stability Stage

Finally there is some peace, at least compared to the previous two stages. In this stage, also known as the Friendship or Reconciliation State, feelings deepen and trust is once again re-established. You are not as threatened by the differences between you and your partner and you rely on the predictability of your relationship to provide a measure of stability. Although the fireworks of the first stage are much rarer now, there is a more than suitable replacement - companionship and commitment. This is the stage where differentiation occurs. You reconnect with friends that you gave up for stage one romance. You decide to pursue outside interests with the support of your partner. This stage finds you describing yourself as happy in your relationship and ready for...........

The Acceptance Stage

This stage is also known as the Commitment Stage or Real Love Phase. While precious few couples ever get to this stage, it is the ultimate goal for any relationship. You no longer need your partner, instead you choose your partner for who they are. You have gotten over the resentments formed in the Power Struggle Stage and you have deep mutual respect and unconditional love for each other. In this stage, you may find lifelong goals are similar and you find yourself living with your best friend.

While going through the stages of long-term relationships can be emotionally draining at times, the effort is well worth it. Healthy relationships are built in stages and knowing what to expect can be the key to the longevity of your commitment.