A feeling that a problem is really getting the better of you, and having a sensation of being trapped or helpless, Feeling so angry at something or someone or even yourself, and having a sense that’s it’s all bottling up inside of you to a stage where you feel you are about to explode.

Ashamed or having a sense of guilt about something that starts to get unbearable, maybe you are being, or have been, abused or traumatized

Feeling that you are alone in the world and that nobody cares for you or about you, and you can’t seem to do anything about it?

These and other traumatic emotions are one of the many reasons why some people feel the need to self harm, they believe it’s a way they can be more in control, more connected to a world they sense has abounded them, and it gives the self harmer a feeling of being more alive, when they self harm they convince themselves that the situation just didn't happen, or it could be a way of punishing themselves and the pain of the memory can be avoided by self harming, in other words its “a quick fix.”

It not always obvious to others, a self harmer can hide what they do even from friends or family, self harmers often feel ashamed or guilty and so become secretive and unable to talk to anyone, in fact, this is the one thing that can really help a self harmer, talking to someone can help to feel less alone, to see problems more clearly.

This can be a single person or a group of other self harmers, giving a feeling of sharing the problem, other therapies could include problem solving, cognitive behavioral therapy or psychodynamic psychotherapy.

Self harming is more common in men, and that fifty percent of self harmers are more likely to commit suicide; one in three will do it again within a year if not helped, highlighting the need to seek help, or as a friend to listen.

Self harming is not just about cutting yourself, it can be an overdose of drugs or drink, it can be self burning or even banging oneself against a wall, pulling your hair out or punching yourself, many stick things into themselves, eating disorders also could be a form of self harm, but in this case there are also other physiological reasons for these particular problems.

So what can you do if you find out or know somebody that self harms? The most useful thing is to listen to them let them tell you of their feelings and fears, don’t ever get angry or judgmental try to be understanding and if possible get them to talk to others as well.

Some Case histories I am familiar with.

1. A 15 year old girl, her parents have split up, she wants to be with her father on presenting herself to him, he rejects her saying he doesn’t want her.She spends the next five years self harming, it’s under control now but she needs constant help.

2. A 35 year old woman now in control started self harming at the age of 14 an on-line friend of mine. She now is using writing as a way of releasing her pressure, she also use’s tattoos to help her in moments of weakness.

3. A man rejected by two women and now given up all hope on finding a partner, he is talking to me and we are progressing well.

All these case history’s are real people and have given me permission to tell their stories,

This article is written in the hope it will help people to understand more about the cries of help that comes from self harmers.