One of the most important parts of planning a wedding is who will be in the wedding party. Bridesmaids and groomsmen are cornerstones of both the logistical and sentimental success of a wedding ceremony and reception. By following a few simple brainstorming and planning steps the selection process can be made simpler and less stressful.

How Many, How Much

The amount of bridesmaids and groomsmen you choose to incorporate into your wedding ceremony and reception is not something that should be dictated by anyone other than you and your fiancé. Aside from outside factors, such as family tradition, there is no hard and fast rule on how many people are in a ‘proper’ wedding party.

A general rule of thumb is to have a bridesmaid and groomsmen pair for every 50 to 55 guests invited to the ceremony and reception. However, if you choose to have a pair to every 10 guests or every 100, rest assured that the wedding police will not show up to chastise you.

Also, it is not necessary to have an even number of attendants on both sides. That is to say, if your fiancé has his or her heart set on five attendants and you can only find four that you’re comfortable honoring with an attendant position you should not feel obligated to invite someone to be a bridesmaid or groomsmen just to make the sides even.

There are several aspects of bridal parties to consider when deciding on the number of attendants to be included. The bridal party’s opinions, especially those of bridesmaids who need to spend a good amount of money on a dress to wear once, need to be considered when picking out dresses, escorts, flowers and more. The more people serving as bridesmaids and groomsmen the more complicated the planning can get. With twenty different people, opinions and stipulations in one room you’re more likely to end up with a bridesmaid allergic to your favorite lilies or groomsman who refuses to wear wingtip shoes.

While it should be closer to the end of bridal party size considerations, budget restrictions should be thought of. The more people you have in your bridal party, the more you will end up spending on things like wedding party gifts, rehearsal dinners and other unforeseen costs like transportation, hotels and salon bills. Again, the more people put together in one place, the more likely it is that a crisis will happen that requires monetary intervention.

Friends or Family

One of the most common debates regarding bridal party attendants is whether or not brides and grooms should feel obligated to include family members before friends. One should keep in mind when considering this choice is that your closest friends are part of the family you choose in your life. Brothers, sisters and cousins make great additions to a bridal party but the decision of which friends or family members to include as bridesmaids and groomsmen should be based on how you feel about those people standing with you for your bid day.

However, sometimes what will make you happiest on your wedding day is knowing that you won’t be in the middle of a family feud. If choosing a close friend over a family member is going to cause unwanted conflict among loved ones the best solution can be compromising. That compromise can be used as ammunition later when you are trying to get your way about another wedding detail.

Gender Neutral

Modern weddings are breaking the gender roles of wedding party members. Brides and grooms are including men as bridal attendants and women as grooms-women. The cause for this transition away from tradition is all about making sure you have your most cherished loved ones included in the wedding ceremony and reception.

While planning your wedding, previously accepted gender roles should be allowed minimal importance as you choose the members of your wedding party. At the end of the day, it is about representing your past, present and future as a couple and as a family.

Near and Far

Another consideration that is more logistical than emotional in nature is where the members of your bridal party live compared to where you wedding and its planning need to be accomplished. Especially as the day of the event approaches, have bridal party members within driving distance of you, the ceremony site or reception space can be invaluable.

For example, if you are planning on getting married in a hometown you have since moved away from, consider the cousin or friend who still lives there as a bridesmaid or groomsman. This will make it much easier during the planning process, having eyes and ears where you need them most. A great companion bridesmaid to the “on the scene” attendant is one closer to you. With this set up you have a member of the bridal party near the wedding planning and one close to you to help ease your personal stresses.

Bridesmaids and groomsmen are meant to stand at your wedding as your attendants should be those you feel closest to as a couple. There are several logistical and emotional considerations to keep in mind while making these choices but the most important thing is that every detail of your wedding feels right to you and your new spouse.