Surviving the Loss of Love
Falling in love is such as wonderful feeling. No wonder most fall prey into its web. Some women are blessed with coping devices to their emotional pains in mastering ways. Subdued, one can only guess whether they are actually experiencing bliss, healing or heartache. Some men on the other hand, face ups to their emotional plans in a mysterious way. Usually women are able to develop a coping system that alleviates any resulting mental stress. Studies show "emotional coping" includes distracting activities, seeking support from others and finding comfort in prayer. Research further shows that men customarily utilize lesser coping techniques, thus becoming moody and irritable.
Pain in Love. According to psychologist love is a positive universal emotion. But when it is misused and violated, it becomes a powerful source of so much pain. Yet, people continue to fall in and out of love. Some do it in style and are very happy; other escape unscarred while a great number try to survive. Before you actually say good-bye to that old relationship and be able to freely start anew, there are emotions that you have to face squarely and try to overpower.
A renowned author share list of feelings that are commonly experienced at the end of the relationship:
Rejection. You feel cheated and shortchanged not only for a moment but also even before the trouble started.
Anger. You are enraged at your partner for shaking your world to its limits. You can be even angry at God for allowing this to happen. You are angry because you can't find a justifiable reason for such a deceit.
Self-pity. In spite of the good thing that you have done for him/her and for your relationship, it was just not enough. "I deserve it , I was no good for him/her."
Self-blame. The focus is turned towards yourself. "I could have done more," You convince yourself of how you fell short in attending and giving into his needs.
Fear. You are afraid you cannot handle this loss. You are frightened that this love can never be replaced.
Depression. We have lost yourself-respect and esteem. Your mind and spirit have become so consumed by your leaving partner that he/she has brought with him/her your link to sanity.
Say Good-bye and Move On
According to a famous author, just as there are ways to make the in love feelings happen, there are ways to encourage the 'out of love' feelings as well.
Here she share proven guidelines for helping you regain a state of emotional equilibrium.
- Stop seeing you ex, entirely. Each time you do, the possibility of being corrupted wit the "bringing back the good old days" viruses is imminent.
- Avoid sad associations: Stay away from things and places that would remind you of him/her. Refrain from seeking news and feedback from his friends and co-employees.
- Find someone new: This does not mean you must get serious with someone new. Don't be a recluse; get out and circulate. Just enjoy, this can be a pleasant distraction.
The best is yet to come! Seek the company of friends and family. Never forget the power of prayers, whatever belief system you have, says a psychologist. No matter how long it takes to travel the winding roads of the grieving process, a better destination is just there waiting. Just don't give up.
Velasco-Planas, Grace, "Surviving the Loss of Love." Working Woman Magazine Vol. 1 No. 18