Grief and loss can fit into many categories and descriptions but at the root, the severity of grief that is experienced due to a loss such as the end of a relationship or death of a loved one, is often determined by the perception of terminal disconnect, permanent separation or lack of being in control of the outcome.

How a person moves through stages of grief are just as individual as the person themselves although there are guidelines of what to expect.

Developed and applied by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, as the five stages of grief, was first introduced in her book, On Death and Dying, published in 1969.

These five stages of grief are listed below.

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

These stages do not necessarily come in that order, nor are all steps experienced, though a patient will at least experience two of the stages, as Kübler-Ross describes.

As I've discovered in the work I do as a medium which includes helping people find closure and heal from their grief, each persons grief is just as unique as the person themselves, so to approach healing is also unique.

Several emotional and mental perceptions described below affect the severity of grief in a negative way. These are the perceptions that often need the most clarity and healing.

• Guilt or Shame- Many people experience an emotion of guilt or shame as a result of not being able to control the outcome of a persons fatality. In situations such as terminal illness for example where an adult child is a caretaker, even part time, for a parent, it is not uncommon for that child to experience guilt or shame as they watch their parent deteriorate or decline in health which eventually leads to death. Or in situations such as a young child that dies from a fatal injury such as choking, drowning, or getting hit by a car while crossing the street, the parent often feels incredibly guilty for not being able to stop or prevent the death. Regardless of how protective they may be, it is difficult to accept that they had no control or way to prevent such a death, especially if it occurs during a supervision from another person.
• Anger or Rage- Some people experience long episodes of deep resentment, anger or rage in instances when there has been a medical error, murder, death of a child, suicide and so on. Basically, in the form of a death that comes by the hands of someone else or by an intentional death such as suicide, anger or rage is more likely to affect the survivors. Many people take on the responsibility that is not theirs to own and become enmeshed within a web of needing to deliver justice in some form, or even subconsciously vindicate the person who has died by acting out or persecuting those believed or proven to be responsible for the death. This happens most with immediate family members. For example, a woman I gave a reading to was stricken with intense anger and resentment towards a young man who had been part of supplying drugs to her son who died of a drug overdose. She spent several years, since the time of his death, chasing after this young man in the effort to build another court case for the intention of having him convicted for the death of her son. However, the actual role he played in her sons death was minimal, especially as evidence surfaced that he was habitually intoxicated and had pre-existing heart conditions that proved a fatal cocktail of heart failure. Regardless, in her perception, someone outside her son had to be to blame and she was determined to bring someone to justice. In this form of grief, many people expect to be able to find healing and closure once a conviction has been made. Although, it becomes short lived because the anger and rage often amputate the progress in which people can move through their grief. And the survivor often feels more at a loss once a conviction is made because there is no longer anyone to chase or bring to justice. All that is left is the knowing that their loved one is still dead and they are still left without that physical connection.
• Fighting or Turmoil Prior to Death- This is especially difficult which can be categorized in the Guilt and Shame section. However, this particular aspect is most striking because people experience a deeper sense of regret when there is a disconnect prior to their loved ones death due to a fight or dispute. For example, a woman I read for was informed that her boyfriend had died in a vehicle crash shortly following a breakup they had. They had only been broken up for a month, even though their relationship had lasted over a year, and she was informed of his death during a time they weren't speaking. Her grief was especially difficult considering her amount of regret over saying things she didn't mean, but were said out of anger and frustration, often due to a misunderstanding. It also comes with the sense of not saying what was meant to say and having one's intention be taken out of context.

These previously mentioned aspects of grief can create a state of recurring trauma associated with the death of a loved one which can perpetuate the intensity of the grief.

However, there are ways in which people can incorporate healthy grief management tools and techniques that can provide a pathway to healing. Many people who experience intense or long lasting negative emotions surrounding the death of a loved one are in a continuing cycle of "revisiting" the death or shock of death of the person who died. For example, in a murder, the survivor will revisit the moment they received the news of the murder, or the visual they created mentally as a way to re-enact the murder, or even the steps they had to go through on identifying the body etc. The point, is that instead of the person remembering the deceased through memories of joy, celebration and special moments or their fun personality, they gravitate towards the negative impact of the death only which overshadows the connection they had with the deceased. This intensifies the sense and urgency of loss, despair and inability to cope.

With this situation, the survivor can begin with a self hypnosis visualization every time they feel bombarded by this type of grief to "retrain" the mind on the type of triggers it responds to, and return to a positive form of relationship and connection the survivor had with the deceased. So, when these negative memories surface, the survivor can shift their mental imagery to a positive memory such as what it was like during their birthday party, or jokes they told or even how they combed their hair. AT first this may be difficult but in time, it becomes a very powerful and positive tool for calming negative emotions and reinstating a balance. Mostly, remembering the positive experiences with the deceased keeps the relationship strong.

Many people also find that prayer is an incredible tool for healing. Survivors describe the sense of relief they feel just by being able to hand over to a higher power the trauma and turmoil they are experiencing.

As a coping mechanism, many survivors who look to escape or "deal with" the pain of loss will attempt to block out the person altogether who has died which includes blocking out positive memories too. The memories trigger the pain of loss rather than reinstating the strength of the connection and relationship. The connection itself becomes an example of pain. This type of coping acts as an "eraser", erasing the person from the survivors life. This only adds to the sense of loss. To help reconnect without triggering the pain of grief, the survivor can take up meditation or speak to a hypnotherapist that can encourage a guided meditation in which the survivor can visualize a "safe place" in which they can visit with the deceased. This often has incredibly positive results for the survivor in being able to transition their grief into a tranquility of reconnection. The experiences are often very positive in which the deceased is pictured smiling and delivering messages of peace and comfort. Sometimes, the survivor describes this guided meditation as a moment of clarity in which they are able to see better details of the persons death, or an insiders view which can give them a sense of release because they have found more answers.

It is a process that is earned step by step. With prayer, meditation, guided visualizations and self hypnosis techniques, a survivor can take more ownership in their healing process. Many survivors often find this very helpful when used in combination of other healing tools such as joining a support group, seeking professional help or taking up other positive healthy activities.