Dealing with Insecure People

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How to handle insecure people.

Insecurity stems from fear.  People who constantly battle insecure thoughts are afraid of being rejected and left all alone, so they lash out at what they feel they can control - people and things.  That's not to say that insecure people can't love others, but it definitely makes it hard to be in a relationship with someone who is that way, because they will constantly feel threatened by others who possess something that they (secretly) desire.  It can be money, fame, physical beauty, material objects, or anything else a person might crave. 

The point is, insecure people are not able to feel contentment, because their minds are always sizing up everyone else.  What makes it worse is that insecure people tend to become much like socially awkward individuals in that they seek out people with whom to socialize who are "below" them, rather than as equals or people to look up to.  They don't like to be humble, admit failures, or readily learn from their mistakes.  Insecure people are often times seen as rebels, who disregard rules and authority because they either don't trust them, or they actually want to be like them.

Dangerous Minds

It can be very frustrating to be in a relationship with a partner who is insecure.  You will find yourself accused of things you didn't do (such as consorting with the perceived "enemy"), and your loyalty and love might be under constant scrutiny because your partner can't trust you to be honest and monogamous.  In essence, your partner suffers from such low self-esteem that he or she doesn't feel worth your attention when compared to someone else he/she perceives as more to your liking.  Making you feel guilty, or holding you accountable for every minute that you are away from your partner is all part of an insecure mind's way of taking control.

Having a friend with an insecure partner can also spell trouble for you - because partner might very well target you as a problem.  You may even find you see less and less of your friend because of the other person's paranoia.  When that happens, it can be hard to not want to lash out at the injustice of the situation.  Unfortunately, the more extreme the insecurities may be, the more of a chance that your friend can be in harm's way.  Almost all victims of verbal or physical abuse have insecure partners.  If taken completely over the edge, an insecure person can even be prone to harming you.

Perhaps you have an insecure friend.  If that's the case, much of what happens between insecure people in love can be the same in basic friendships.  In fact, your insecure friend might harbor thoughts of you being threatening in some way.  Or else he or she is constantly needy - wanting your attention, excessively talking about his/her own life and problems, and always competing with you.  When your friend finds other people to rest his/her insecurities in, you may have to hear about it over and over again.  Such behaviors can ruin your friendship, if you continue to tolerate them for any length of time. 

Knowing When to Seek Help

With all the negative things to be said about insecure people, what is the best way to deal with them?  Simple: limit your interaction, and know when to walk away.  Let them know their boundaries with you, and don't let them slide when their insecurities start to show.  While this may not be possible if you are married to someone who is insecure, even then you have a choice to make if you wish to maintain your mental health.  It is possible that you overlooked your partner's issues while dating, or thought that person was the answer to your problems, regardless. 

And whether you are friends or in a romantic relationship together, if you settle for someone who is insecure, don't kid yourself into thinking you can change him or her.  The help that a person needs is only found through counseling - and lots of it (alone, with you, or for both of you separately).  Boosting self-esteem is the only way to ever break out of insecure thoughts.  Without this, an insecure person will never be able to feel satisfied with his/her own life, dragging you, and everyone else down for the rest of your lives.  What could be more depressing than that?  


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