Abuse is always about control. Some women have accepted humiliation and degradation because they have been too ashamed to admit to themselves and to others that this abuse is really happening to them says a psychologist.
Kinds of abuse:
Emotional abuse. Emotional abuse slowly but effectively destroys a woman's self esteem and impairs her judgment. Emotional abusive men aren't interested in talking because they want control. While her self-esteem is being eroded, a victim's world shrinks until her only source of self-worth is re-triggering her lovers approval.
Psychological abuse. Focus on the way she think and behave. She tend to view herself and the future in a negative light because of errors in thinking. Se become depressed which results not only from helplessness but also from hopelessness.
Physical abuse. An abuser can gradually take control of the woman's life. The abuser is a sick, strange, cruel man. She may suffer a broken knee, burns from a cigarette stick. He may knock out her teeth, pull out handfuls of her hair and poke his fingers in her eyes.
Controlling husband. The abuser controls his partner's time by making her wait. He will say he is ready to talk but will continue doing something elsewhere while his partner waits. He will tell her he is ready to go to bed, then make her wait.
Controls her material resources. The abuser will keep money from his wife that is necessary for her survival and that of their family. He gives no thought to spending his own money while he feels in control and free!
He blames. Making her responsible. This verbal abuser attempts to avoid all responsibilities for his own behavior. In other words, he avoids accountability by blaming.
Diminishing her partner. This is done in the following ways: belittling her, laughing or smirking at her, cracking offensive jokes. Putting her down also, especially in what she does best. That is one characteristic of abusive men.
Controlling with body language. Controlling with body language as well as gestures too. The abuser uses body language to control his partner, just as he uses words. The Following are some hurtful and intimidating ways of controlling with body language and gestures:
- Refuse to talk
- Walking away
- Kicking something
- Boredom (Deep signs, Head down)
- Withholding affection
- Showing disgust (rolled eyes, inappropriate sounds)
- Refusing to make eye contact
According to psychologist, in making the great escape from abuser, realization of the real situation is a must. At first the abused woman may feel grief-stricken and depressed when she thinks about being apart from the abuser, but remembering how painful it had been to be with abusive men is an emotional support for her.
The abuser may throw his last straw by insisting guilt-inducing words to awaken the woman's once weakened emotion. Such words as "Your life will be empty without me." "You'll never find anyone like me again." But at this point, the abused woman now see her own independence and her own self-worth. You can walk away if you want to, since you know the signs of abusive men. You now expect the woman to be strong enough to say, "Get out of my life."
Anonymous, "Anatomy of an Abusive Man." Women's Journal 17 Jan 04
De Leon, Jun, "The Abused Woman and Her Tormentor." CHIC No. 447