Sex in Midlife: How to Make it Better and Better

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What is the secret to having an exciting sex life in later life? How do middle-age couples keep sex thrilling? Read what the experts have to say about it!

According to recent studies, most older couples tend to think of sex as separate and apart from other day to day activities.  Opportunities to kiss, fondle, or whisper something naughty in their lover’s ear are passed by because it doesn’t seem like quite the right place or time.  But couples who adopt the attitude that time not spent in bed is the perfect time for foreplay, discover that when the time comes to get down to it, they’re more passionate, more responsive, and more receptive to trying new things. 

Experts say the key to making sex better and better in later life is to make the most of every moment by following these fun and easy suggestions.

Touch And Kiss More

Be more randomly physical.  Kiss and touch for no particular reason--just to say hi or, see you in a bit.  Casual kissing and petting spawns romantic ideas and reminds your partner that you still find them sexually desirable.

Explore Your Fantasies

As the old 60s song says, the time to hesitate is through.  Abandon the sexual boundaries you set in your youth; boundaries often influenced by ideals and obligations of an era now past.  Open the door to those thoughts and images you’ve kept locked away, and share them with your partner.  You may be surprised by the exciting places they lead you.

Try New Sexual Positions

As psychologists are fond of telling couples, “There’s no wrong was to have sex.”  If you’re always on top, give the bottom a try.  Never tried it standing up or in the shower?  So long as you’re both able, move sex off the bed and into the bathroom; or discover how helpful the floor or a table can be.  The Kama Sutra offers dozens of options if you need suggestions, and you may even discover the illustrations inspiring!

Dress Provocatively (Even Sleezy)

One thing most all men and women of every age enjoy is being sexually lured by what they perceive as “sexy attire.”  Whether she’d like him to wear leopard-skin briefs, or he’d like to see her in see-through panties, go for it!   What have you got to lose?  Don’t be afraid to enhance your body in whatever way will press your partner’s horny button.  Feed their sexual imagination and most assuredly, they’ll feed yours!

Talk About Sex With Your Partner

Tell your partner what excites you.  Express your most intimate thoughts.  Tell him or her what you’d like to try.  Let them know that thinking about them makes you sexually aroused and wanting to be sexually creative.

Be Playful

Remember how playful you and your partner were when you first started dating?  Try to recall the things you used to do to lure each other; to make them want you.  Did you used to share a bottle of wine while watching a movie?  Did you used to wrestle around in bed together on Sunday mornings?  Did you used to enjoy flashing a body part when they least expected it?  Why not do it again?  Why not remind them of why they were attracted to you in the first place?

Find New Places To Do It

Even notice how much more exciting sex can be when you’re away from home on vacation?  New settings can have an almost miraculous effect on sexual attraction. There’s a whole psychological phenomenon (that you needn't be concerned with) that takes place when you experience even something you’ve experienced countless times before in a new place, that suddenly makes it seems new.  Think of new places to do it--even if it’s a quickie!  Remember how exciting it used to be in the backseat of the car?

Fondle Each Other

Sometimes, nothing is more seductive than a casual brush across the genitals; a casual squeeze of a breast.  When you see your partner passing by, reach out and grab their bottom.  Rub your hand between their legs just for fun!  Let them know you find them sexy and that they can have you any time they want!

Make a Date to Make Love (or Just a Quickie)

The one thing most younger couples have over older couples is their unabashed willingness to have sex just for the sake of sex.  So if a few days have passed and you haven’t had the time to squeeze intimacy into your schedule, set a time and make it happen.  And don’t get bogged down trying to make it “special.”  If there’s only time for a quickie, relish it just as if it were a long night of passionate romance!

Consider Instructional Videos

Bring to mind a movie or book you found especially arousing and make a night of exploring it together.  If nothing has already tickled your fantasy, visit a local adult toy shop (don’t worry, no one will be judging you!), or look online for a scenario that might arouse you.  Curious about a particular sexual act?  No matter what it is, there’s a video out there just for you and hundreds of sites ready to ship it to you.

Do Away With Old Limitations

One thing having some years behind you teaches you is that life is about options and possibilities. Limitations only serve to keep you from experiencing all that life has to offer.  Throw those self-imposed limitations away.  Set your mind to experiencing all that you and your partner can discover.  There’s no time like the present to make the most of sex.

Create Romantic Rendezvous

An easy way to add spice to a relationship is to plan to meet at a prearranged location, be it a motel room, an out-of-the-way restaurant, or a secluded beach, and make a romantic event of it.   Decide to arrive separately, each bringing something undisclosed to add to the atmosphere.  Maybe visit a place you especially enjoyed in your younger days; the place you had your first kiss or first sexual encounter.

Be Solution Oriented--Never Dismissive

It’s essential when dealing with sexual problems, expression of sexual interests, or when discussing sexual possibilities, that both partners always express a desire to discuss and resolve whatever issues concern the other.  It often takes a great deal of courage to finally discuss a sexual issue, and nothing can sap the romance out of even the best relationship as quickly as a dismissive or unbending partner.

Set Sexual Goals

Make communication a permanent part of your sexual relationship, and always plan to expand your sexual horizons.  One of the keys to a long-lasting sexual relationship is the ongoing setting of goals geared to making sex even better.  Always take your partner’s concerns and interests to heart and make them part of your future plan. Even if goals are unachievable, the effort ultimately makes the relationship closer.

Orgasm Need Not Be the Goal

While reaching a climax is certainly a wonderfully liberating experience, remind yourself that it needn’t be the goal every time. Don’t expend all your energies focusing on an orgasm; decide that if it happens, it happens!  Remind yourself that there’s always next time and to just enjoy the moment for what it is.  Remember that delayed gratification can often lead to much more intense sexual release anyway!



Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research

Masters and

Images via

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