Relationship Entrapment (Emotional Abuse and Other Controlling Situations)

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Never let your partner intimidate you to stay in a relationship!

Are you in a relationship where you feel trapped? There are many reasons this could be the case, but the main one is probably because your partner has something “over you”, that keeps you from leaving. Maybe they know a big secret that would destroy you? Could they hold it over your head if you dumped them?

It could be that you are medically dependent on them, or they are on you, and it causes a guilt situation if you were to leave them high and dry. (Especially if the medical issues happened after you were in a long-term relationship with them.)  Maybe it is financial dependency or the reverse. You would rather live in an undesirable condition than lose all your money. It is a big price to pay either way. Are you staying for the kids because your partner is holding custody issues over your head? Have you become the Nanny to "their" children and now feel stuck because you have grown to care for them? Even though you know in your heart that is all you will ever mean to your partner? All these scenarios deal with emotional entrapment.

Were you chosen strictly to be a sperm donor so she could get pregnant? Some guys don't see the signs like the infant car seat ready to go, in the back seat of her car, or hear her loud biological clock ticking like Big Ben. Why do many men today, trust that a woman is actually ON birth control?!  Guys still sleep with numerous women without "childproof security", even with all the sexually transmitted disease out there today.

If we all just opened our eyes wider, most of us would see the emotional abuse that we are living with. Why do so many people choose to ignore the signs? I know one woman who knew too much about her man’s outside interests (so to speak). His day job totally differed from his moonlighting career! She pretended not to notice, and got caught up in the money aspect of being a drug dealer’s girlfriend!  Keep your eyes open when dating people who are somewhat closed or mysterious. Many of them are not the shy silent type; remember, still waters run deep and sometimes you can drown!

When you do decide to leave your unhealthy situation, don't be afraid to ask for help. No one will judge you for having the courage to leave a toxic home life. Go online and Google chat/blog sites that have people in your situation. (If you can't do it at home due to a controlling partner, use a computer at an Internet cafe.) Get rid of photos, or any romantic music you listened to with them. When they try to contact you, screen your calls. Talking to them will only bring back the same drama you are trying to leave. Think of the relationship as detoxing. It is extremely addicting, but to go back to “the habit”, is like signing your own death warrant.  Believe in YOURSELF that you are worth much more than the poisonous environment you just left!

The Fear of Leaving

Many times a person is afraid to leave a relationship. Does the partner have a bad temper, has the partner threatened that if she ever leaves him he will hurt her, or commit suicide. Is she afraid he will stalk her, or worse?

Fear is one of the main emotions that hold all people back from doing what they either want to do or know what they should do.

The Fear of the Unknown

Another fear of leaving is the fear of the unknown, like being alone again, living alone and financial considerations. If you have a good job, make sure you have your own savings account and a credit card in your name only.

Being independent financially can really help you overcome this fear and reason for staying. Too many women in a bad relationship stay because of this fear, the fear of being unable to support themselves.

Self Blame Fear

Many women might feel that others will look down on them for leaving the relationship. So many times, others might see a totally different relationship than the one you are living. They might see you with the perfect partner, but they do not know the real situation.

So you fear others will think you ruined the relationship and look down on you. You must have courage, and believe in yourself.

Seek out help of someone you trust, maybe a pastor, rabbi or close friend.

Have You Tried Talking to Your Partner

All of this assumes that you have already tried to talk to your partner about your concerns, Too many times in a bad relationship, she might hold it all in, and her partner might not even be aware that she is unhappy or why she is unhappy.

If you have talked to your partner and he ignores this or even gets worse, than you really do not have a reason to fear what others will think about you, you have given it your best.

Helpful Source:

Suzanne Lachmann Psy.D

1 comment

Thomas Gordon
Posted on Sep 15, 2009