Psychology Of A Controlling Personality
Not everyone knows a controlling personality, since not everyone can be controlled. The controlling personality selects those he/she can manipulate and that person allows them to do that.
Quite simply stated, a controlling personality is a choice by both the giver and the receiver. Control is a form of dominance. It has the hint of caring, but it really is not fully loaded with care for the person the controller is manipulating. It is a danger if that control is taken as a love or nurturing, since counselors, in private sessions, have invited a controlled person to view the force at which the pressure is applied from another position and another person as well.
Controlling someone else is a statement that the personality knows the best, is the smartest, makes all the good decisions and is the top of everything, baring nothing that can be mentioned. No one person is without flaws.
There are degrees of controlling, which can stem from mild, moderate, obsessive to shifters. The mild controller appears to be a well rounded person with lots of knowledge. The person will gladly offer do things, their way, since nothing works better than the brain they possess for doing everything. Rather than allow petty things to bother them, the controller takes command to prevent mistakes from being made.
Moderate controllers will take the helm without being asked. The invitation does not have to be delivered since they know they can handle whatever is in their sight. The strength is known by them and quickly learned by all in their wake. You can assist the moderate controller, however you will need to do it the way they present the solution to anything being done.
Obsessive controlling personality allows only a small amount of help in any activity. The person obsessing with the amount of control they own will judge everything and everybody in their wake. There is no let up so even the finest detail has to be accomplished how, where and with the complete dominance of the obsessive controller. When things go haywire to this person, they do not deal well with the error. Extremism follows the obsessive controller in all details. Living is regulated by specific rules and guidelines never to be crossed.
Shifters can subtly surface at specific times when they choose to expose that quality of control they possess. The shifter can just as easily allow others to take over without too much stress taken on themselves. These shifters have some annoyance with others only when that control line is being held by them. Other times, the varying of how things get accomplished is a “have at it” way of living.
Intense counseling is not the beginning to easing the stress and solving the controlling personality traits. Willingness on the part of the controller is paramount after first recognizing the characteristics are not healthy or appropriate for wellness in relationships, other social activities or business areas either.
Remembering not to be abrasive, argue or ridicule during the wellness path is imperative. Counselors will give personal work to pursue at home which needs to be diligently followed step by step for success to be the result.
Strong patience, gentleness, understanding and willingness to persevere through a lengthy process is required of a loved one starting this psychological personal journey.
Bear grass in Glacier National Park, West Glacier, Montana courtesy Danny Baxter
Caption under the photograph: Four stalks of bear grass indicating the four class disorders of a controlling personality.