Every Monday night in Los Angeles at the 99 seat Odyssey Theater, the famous marriage, family and child / cognitive behavioral therapist, author, and lecturer, Dr. Pat Allen, speaks to a full house of people who are very confused about why they remain single or have unnecessary complications in their marriages and relationships. People are starving for the scientific facts on love, sex, dating, mating and relationships.
Dr Pat Allen is not a therapist that cares about your feelings like the vast majority of therapists. She does, however, want you to care about your feelings. So much that she is showing people how to "get what they want out of life by reversing negative language patterns, changing the words people use, and the way they think". She then says, "Beware of your thoughts for they become your words. Beware of your words for they become your actions. Beware of your actions for they become your habits. Beware of your habits for they become your character. Beware of your character, for it becomes your destiny." And this is in every relationship you have: at the bank, at the doctor's office, in your business meetings and of course in dating, mating and marriage.
Her proven theories stem from Freud and Jungian Psychology and the quantum physics of "Yin/Yang"; The Chinese version of quantum physics. In every relationship, feminine and masculine energies are communicating with each other. We are a species of gender. Unfortunately, while the Women's Movement brought about some positive changes to the women who "think" so, it did far more harm to our culture than ever before. More men are walking around with vaginas, and more women have penises than ever in history.
Many people believe nurturing is a feminine quality. Nurturing, however, is a masculine quality. Women are not biologically designed to give, protect and cherish. Men are. Masculinity is the penetrating, creative, stoic and doing energy. Femininity is the receptive, passive, feeling and emotional energy. This is nature and nature cannot be altered, as it will wreak havoc on our health and minds. But this is the case now post Women's Movement and post Sexual Revolution. Women wanted equality. And equality has turned men into women, and women into men. Hence the reason we see so many women drained of their life energy by nurturing her man while the man gets to have "mommy" in return and never become a true "real" man.
Men have Yang bodies (the biological chemistry), but feminine souls (Yin souls). Women have feminine bodies (the biological chemistry), but masculine souls. Carl Jung named this the Anima & Animas. Jung's term for the feminine soul of the Male is the Anima. Jung's term for the masculine soul of a Female is the Animas. Therefore, man and woman have both male and female aspects within them. That means in a relationship between two people, four personalities are competing for attention, resulting in a repelling of each other and have difficulty being "balanced" in the Yin/Yang way which is the root to a successful romantic relationship or marriage.
Dr. Pat Allen is teaching people how to communicate lovingly with our Yin/Yang energies . When asking a group of men and women whether they want to be cherished more than respected or respected more than cherished, most everyone says they want both. Wanting to be both respected and cherished, however, is why men and women remain single. Wanting both is being narcissistic, and that's fine if you want to remain single, but not if you are in a relationship.
Dr Pat Allen describes three types of relationships. The "conventional relationship" where both partners have chosen to have busy full-time careers and both partners share the household chores. In this relationship, you have the four energies mentioned above that need to be dealt with (the Yin and Yang in both the male and female) and while this is possible, it is also very challenging and both parties have to literally "watch their mouths". Another type of relationship is the "co-dependent" relationship. The "co-dependent relationship" is where one person is a 10 and the other is a zero. Enough said, the two above are not healthy.
The third type of romantic relationship is the "covenant relationship" where one person chooses to be respected and the other cherished. It doesn't matter if you're male or female, although most females and males biologically are designed in the following way: females are cherished and males are respected as a result. Dr Pat Allen believes for a marriage to be successful, "there must be a covenant formed by a feminine-energy person who is grounded in his or her worthiness and desirability and by a masculine-energy person who is grounded in his or her competence and adequacy. Feminine energy is magnetic to the masculine energy's dynamic self, which is generous and giving to the feminine energy who requires receiving first before giving."
The feminine energy and the masculine energy form a balanced and grounded relationship (Yin and Yang) which they negotiate a mutual "interdependency" toward a higher good of love and spirituality.
To learn more about Dr. Pat Allen and are in the Los Angeles area, you can listen to her live speak to a full house every Monday night (unless she is out of town or holidays) at the Odyssey Theatre, 2055 South Sepulveda Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90025-5621.
Dr. Pat Allen also holds an annual retreat coming up this October 1-3 for women, men, singles and couples at the Aldersgate Retreat in Pacific Palisades, California. To learn more, go to www.DrPatAllen.com
Also read her book "Getting To I Do" and "Staying Married and Loving It". And her most recent book, "The Truth About men Will Set You Free, But It Will First Piss You Off". Watch her DVD, "The Answers". Her books and DVD are available at Amazon.com