Being in a Relationship Where Your Partner is Still in the Closet

Updated March 21, 2018

Being in a same sex relationship with a partner who refuses to come out of the closet can be somewhat distressing on the relationship itself. On one hand if you’re the out one, you want to show your partner that you support them. But on the other hand you feel like a dirty secret that they’re ashamed of. It can be very difficult to separate your relationship from the actual issue at hand, which is your partner’s hesitance to come out. For some gay/lesbian people once they realize their sexuality they don’t wait a single moment before racing to the roof tops and shouting it to the world.

But for others it can be a much slower process because they fear what the outcome may mean for them, and who they may lose. Others struggle with their religion and whether or not their god will still love them. You see we as a society are blind and ignorant with a refusal to move forward. We feel the need to make people different from us live quietly in the corner so we don’t feel uncomfortable. It’s sad because who is anyone to say to another that their lifestyle is wrong and that they don’t deserve the same kind of happiness as everyone else.

All these things and more contribute to why so many people stay closeted and feel like it’s not okay to follow their heart. Being a partner of one of these people is just as hard especially as you have already accepted who you are. You don’t feel the need to sugar coat it to anyone and you don’t feel like it’s something to feel guilty over. In fact you celebrate it and see yourself as being apart of something important. Kind of like a way of life that others are missing out on.

So in being this comfortable about your own sexuality it is easy to struggle with the notion that your partner is not. You especially find it hard to accept that even though you’re in a committed relationship with each other, she still makes you hide it to the people closest in her life. In your home you’re her world, yet in her family’s home you’re nothing more then a friend or a flat mate. It hurts you deeply that she wants to hide you like the rest of the world does, but what can you do?

Relationships are hard enough without adding these kinds of elements to them. However if you do find that you are in a situation similar to this, then I firmly believe that communication is a must. Talk to your partner about how you feel, it doesn’t matter which end of the situation you are in because I guarantee you that your're both struggling. Find solutions to better manage your relationship and the sacrifices that your both making to be apart of it. Understand what your partner is going through and if you don’t understand, then ask them. The key element that you must both abide by is trust.